Riddles, Puzzles & Jokes
Welcome, men and women, boys and girls, dogs and cats, mongooses and....what? *shreds script* Lets get down to this.
Jamster, whom I am not sure that he will be here all week, brings issue 14 Naming Children. Next in line is Infinity's (also known as Topdog) Topdog's Comical Jokes #3. Then Rush brings us Rush's Retro Riddles (because you have to think too). Dragonclaw8, a new face in our family of comedy, show's us Dragonclaw's jokes. Last, and maybe least (it all depends on your opinion), is Zach's Ridiculous Riddles #5, brought to you by I.
This section is a dark and scary place. Bring your flashlights, and a water bottle (without water, you die).
Buffalo
Naming Children - By: Jamster
"Mummy, mummy! Why did you name me Petal?" Asks Petal, a seven year old girl, one of triplets.
"Well dear, when you were being carried back from the hospital, as I was walking you, a beautiful petal landed on your head, so I thought that it would make a good name." Satisfied, little Petal runs off to play with her friends again.
The next day, Leaf runs towards her mother. "Mummy, mummy! Why did you call me Leaf?"
"Well dear, I had you out on the lawn one day, and a leaf blew off a tree, and it landed on your head, so I thought, 'that would make a nice name', so I called you leaf." Leaf thinks for a moment, then runs off.
Then, the next day, the mother's third child stumbles up to his mother and mumbles, "Meeamth-mewem-wewistsppthhth..." but Mummy interrupts, saying.
"Oh, do shut up, Fridge."
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Topdog's Comical Jokes #3 - By: Infinity
Psyched Up
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"
Difference
What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?
Answer (highlight to view): The porcupine has its pricks on the outside.
Little Mary
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.
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Rush's Retro Riddles - By: Rush
One certain type of crime means definite punishment if attempted, but no punishment follows if it is commited. What is it?
Answer (highlight to view): Suicide.
I am much lighter than a feather, but I could bet, that not even the strongest of men could hold me for more than several minutes. What am I?
Answer (highlight to view): Breathe.
Four men set out to sea. Before they left, they each said goodbye their to wife, and children. They had a very safe trip until they got caught in a bad storm. Before they knew it their boat tipped over and all four of them fell out. Surprisingly, not a single man got wet. How can this possibly be?
Answer (highlight to view): None of the four men were single. They were each married.
When is FOUR ever half of FIVE?
Answer (highlight to view): When it's a Roman Numeral. (FIVE)
Which is the correct term? - "The yolk of an egg are white?", or "The yolk of an egg is white?".
Answer (highlight to view): Neither- The yolk of an egg is yellow.
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Dragonclaw's Jokes - By: Dragonclaw8
Strong Bartender
In a bar, there are many men who walk in and dare to take the challenge of the bartender. This bartender, is so strong, that when he squezes a lemon, not a drop can come out of it again.
This challenge, is to squeeze the lemon the bartender squeezes, and try to get a drop out of it. If you do, you get the bucket of money that men have put in for bets, as well as $10,000. Many men such as wrestlers, body builders and boxers took this challenge, but they all failed.
One day, an extremely frail and weak man walks into the bar, and talks to the bartender.
"Are you here to buy a drink?" The bartender asks.
"No, actually, I'm here to take this challenge." The frail man says.
The entire bar heard this and began to laugh.
"You want to take the challenge?" The bartender chuckled.
"Yes, I do." The man said.
The bartender got out the lemon, and gave it a squeeze. Then, he handed the lemon to the frail man. The frail man asked for a cup, so the bartender fetched him one. The man put the cup under the squeezed lemon, and he began to squeeze it.
Behold! The lemon dripped some juice out of it. The entire bar began to cheer! He won the money! The bartender begins to ask the man questions.
"What do you do for a living, I mean, you are so frail!" The bartender cheered, "How did you do this? Are you a wrestler, a bodybuilder?"
The man says, "No sir, I work for the IRS."
The Happy Hour
A blonde and brunette are very good friends with eachother, so they decide to head over to the bar after work for the Happy Hour. While they were there, the 6:00 news went on. On it, there was a man standing on a bridge who was negotiating with the cops, however, he threatened to throw himself over. Meanwhile, the blonde and brunette speak with eachother.
"I bet he isn't going to jump." Said the blonde.
"Oh, no, he is!" Said the brunette.
"No, he is not." Argued the blonde. "I'll bet $100 that he will not throw himself over."
"Okay," says the brunette, "I'll take that bet."
While they were speaking about this, the man jumps off the bridge. The blonde reaches into her purse and takes out $100 and gives it to the brunette.
"No, I cannot take your money. It is unfair, you are my friend!" Says the brunette.
"Yes you can," Says the blonde, "I lost the bet, so take the money."
"I have a confession," Says the brunnete, "I saw this on the 5:00 news, so I knew the man would throw himself over."
"Oh, I did too." Says the blonde, "I just didn't think the man would be stupid enough to do it again!"
Marcedes Benz
A young man has just bought a Marcedes Benz, in which he has spent so much money for. One day, he decides to pull into a convienience store and shop a bit. A young, yet not so bright woman was the clerk at the time, asking him if he needed help with anything. He said no and just looked around.
Meanwhile, his car was being stolen. The clerk happened to catch everything that happened and went to inform the man. The man seemed very upset and they began to speak.
"Haven't you done anything to stop those people from stealing my car?" Said the man.
"No, actually sir, I've done better." Said the clerk.
"Erm, what did you do?" Said the man.
The clerk than boldly stated, "I've gotten you the license plate number!"
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Zach's Ridiculous Riddles #5 - By: Buffalo
A man was going to buy a car for $5000, but didn't spend a single penny for it. How is this possible?
Answer (highlight to view): He didn't pay a penny at all. He payed $5000 dollars.
How did Mark legally marry three women in Michigan without divorcing any of them, becoming legally seperated, or any of them dying?
Answer (highlight to view): He's a priest- it's his job.
A man is walking down the middle of a street wearing all black clothing. There are no streetlights on the street. A car is driving with it's headlights off. It swerves to a stop, avoiding the man. How did the person in the car know the man was there?
Answer (highlight to view): It's daytime.
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