Riddles, Puzzle & Jokes
Welcome to the Riddles, Puzzles, and Jokes section of the Sal's Paper!
In this holiday issue of the Santa Paper, writers and stand up comics put a tremendous show, in which I think will get your attention. First we have the solution to and winners of last issue's Murder Mystery by Natus Lamen. Bravo to SlashingUK, for his Short Riddle. Pay attention *wink wink* in How Can You Cross The River?, written by ZacharyB. Yes, we all enjoy a quick joke about crude humor, so tune into The Virgin Joke, written by Mrcsupertrain. Also, Jamster had some Christmas Jokes to share with everyone, so you may get a laugh out of that too. Lastly, Mrcsupertrain was kind enough to hold a Quiz of Humiliation .
Laugh merrily, in the festive weather of the month December!
- Say Topdog, wishing you all a happy holidays
Murder Mystery #1: Solution - By: Natus Lumen
Link to last issue's Riddles, Puzzles and Jokes page where the murder mystery can be found.
Only one person managed to figure out the perfect solution, so congratulations to kittguin for determining that the murderer's identity. Second place goes to Boggythekid . He named the murderer and correctly interpreted several pieces of evidence. However, because he missed some of the evidence, he ultimately loses out to kittguin's perfect answer. Finally, third place goes to Air in water , who did correctly name the killer but provided little in the way of explanation. Interestingly, none of these people have more than 50 posts! Where are you, forum veterans? Now for the solution itself.
The murderer is, in fact, Alan. The bottle in the bathroom was labeled Dantrolene. Dantrolene is a muscle relaxant. In the study, the question posed to Richard was whether a muscle relaxant could theoretically delay the onset of rigor mortis in a murder victim. His affirmative answer tells you that Jessica had to have been killed earlier than the gunshot you heard, meaning the 5:30 AM gunshot was a distraction, meant specifically to draw you to the body. This also explains why there were two bullet casings, but only one bullet wound on the victim. After firing the gun out the window, the killer slid down the ladder and made it around the corner of the house before you were able to peer outside. The only chance the killer had to commit the crime was during the thunderstorm after the party ended and the guests had left, while the 6 of you remaining were changing out of your costumes. The victim was shot immediately after taking the muscle relaxants (the ‘medication' Catherine alluded to), while she was standing against the southwest wall. The killer stood by the door, and the bullet casing rolled under the bed. The gunshot was masked by the deafening thunder brought on by the storm. Because of the inability to accurately plan a crime around how strong a thunderstorm will be, the crime was probably incited by an event that occurred at the party. The killer then rearranged the room. He moved the body into the bed, explaining the lack of splintering and blood on the headboard. He also moved the dresser from the northeast corner (where it had been standing, as evidenced by the indentations in the carpet) to the southeast corner to cover the blood smear on the wall. He missed the first bullet casing when rearranging the room because it had rolled just far enough under the bed, and he was pressed for time. The purple smudges on the Dantrolene bottle came from a combination of the victim's blood with the blue skin paint from Alan's costume on a clear orange prescription bottle. He took the bottle with him back to the wing of the house he was staying in and put it in the medicine cabinet when he washed the blue paint (and the blood) off his skin. When mixed with blood, the paint was thick enough that it didn't transfer his fingerprints to the bottle. The only two people unaccounted for enough time during the period when you changed clothes were Catherine and Alan. However, it would be impossible to reach Jessica's room (at least at the same time as Richard) so quickly if the killer had just slid down the ladder and run back into the house from the outside, so Catherine cannot be the murderer. Between this timing evidence and the purple smears on the bottle, the only possible culprit is Alan.
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Short Riddle - By: SlashingUK
I make things light, but I am dark,
I make things loud, but I am silent,
I make things move, but I am still,
I can charge, but nothing like a bull,
Empty, I weigh the same as full,
What am I?
Answer: (Highlight below for answer.)
A battery
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How Can You Cross the River - By: ZacharyB
You are a Pilgrim, and winter has just set in. You and your group must cross a river. There is no bridge across. None of the pilgrims can swim, and the wagon can't go across or you'll sink. The river is wide and deep. How do you get across?
Answer: (Highlight below for answer.)
Because it's winter, the river is ice so you just walk across.
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The Virgin Joke - By: Mrcsupertrain
Julia is on the phone and asks her boyfriend, Jake, to come over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, Julia announces to Jake that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Jake is overjoyed, but he has never made love before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells Jake everything there is to know about condoms and sexual intercourse.
At the register, the pharmacist asks Jake how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. Jake insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, Jake shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets Julia at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
Jake goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where Julia's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and Jake is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from Jake.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, Julia leans over and whispers to Jake, "I had no idea you were this religious."
Jake turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
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Christmas Jokes - By: Jamster
Santa has the right idea, only visit people once a year, and then only at Christmas. The gifts he gives are great, he must really like me. This year, I got a packet labeled 'bath toys' - inside were a radio and a toaster - I'm still in shock.
I have a group of specially selected agents, who travel around the world collecting stories for me to turn into jokes. I have three top spies currently in the field - One is disguised as a little old lady in a cottage in Edinburgh, she's a cottage spy. Another herds sheep in Wales, he's the shepherd spy. Finally, there is one who works in London, making money, pound coins mostly. He is our mint spy.
My spies have been investigating the mysteriously illusive 'Father Christmas.' One told me that Santa was going on a diet! He had been observed desperately sucking in his stomach while standing on his bathroom scales. When his wife came in a told him it wouldn't help, he replied it was the only way he could see the numbers!
I also have other contacts, in the past month, a previous employee of Santa, an elf, approached me with confidential information. He was sacked for being depressed, he had been told he had low 'elf esteem' and therefore had to go. Below is an extract of an interview, in which he told me about Santa's iron fist when it came to workloads.
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve. Nothing was going right for poor old Claus. Half his workers, and Mrs. Claus had been sent to an Elf Farm so they could become slimmer, and the other half were complaining about the increased workload. The reindeer were slumped over a jug of Eggnog, and the sleigh was still not fixed. "I don't believe it!" Santa yelled. "I've got to deliver a million presents all over the world in just a few hours, but all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas Tree! I sent that stupid angel out to get one hours ago. What am I going to do?"
Just then, the front door creaked open, and who should walk in but the fairy, shivering, and dragging a limp Christmas Tree behind her. "Oi, fatty!" She shouted, "Where d'you want me to stick this?"
And thus, the elf told me, the tradition of angels atop the Christmas Tree came to pass.
Our family found an old present we were meant to give to my cousins last year, so we gave it to them this year.
You should have seen the looks on their faces when they unwrapped it!
Pity it was a kitten...
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The Quiz of Humiliation - By: Mrcsupertrain
Welcome everyone to the quiz of humiliation. The contestants for this quiz are ZacharyB, Definition, Adam, Lilshu, and Cameron. Here is how our humiliation quiz works: our contestants take a quiz, which is more like a survey, about themselves and they use their answers to the first quiz to answer the questions to a second quiz. Here are the questions for quiz #1 and the responses from our contestants.
The Questions
- What is your name?
- Pick a Number between 1 and 3.
- Pick the name of a character in a TV Show or Movie.
- Pick a number over 1000.
- Have you ever played a video game?
- Pick an animal.
- Pick any number.
- Pick a type of liquid besides water.
- Do you go to a school?
- Pick any number.
- Do you have parents?
- Take your favorite food and add something yucky, gross, or disgusting to it.
- Do you like music?
- Name a children's nursery rhyme.
- Have you ever played baseball?
- Name a part of a car.
- Do you have friends?
- Name a famous actor or actress.
- Do you watch TV?
- Pick a famous phrase or quote.
- What is your name?
ZacharyB : Zach
Definition : Ali
Adam : Adam
Lilshu : William
Cameron : Cameron - Pick a Number between 1 and 3.
ZacharyB : 2
Definition : 2
Adam : 2
Lilshu : 2
Cameron : 1 - Pick the name of a character in a TV Show or Movie.
ZacharyB : Joey Gladstone
Definition : Chris Turk
Adam : L
Lilshu : House
Cameron : Hyacinth Bucket - Pick a number over 1,000.
ZacharyB : 8,712
Definition : 1,002
Adam : 1,001
Lilshu : 10,000
Cameron : 1000.1 - Have you ever played a video game?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : Yes - Pick an animal.
ZacharyB : Frog
Definition : Lion
Adam : Sloth
Lilshu : Horse
Cameron : Emu - Pick any number.
ZacharyB : 74
Definition : 2
Adam : 13
Lilshu : e^pi
Cameron : 6 - Pick a type of liquid besides water.
ZacharyB : Blood
Definition : Petroleum
Adam : Vitamin Water
Lilshu : Oil
Cameron : Glass - Do you go to a school?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : Yes - Pick any number.
ZacharyB : 65
Definition : 2
Adam : 13
Lilshu : e^pi
Cameron : 6 - Do you have parents?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : No - Take your favorite food and add something yucky, gross, or disgusting to it.
ZacharyB : Pizza covered in mud
Definition : Spit on a chicken
Adam : Sushi topped with sperm
Lilshu : Sperm topped with sushi
Cameron : Dog food and ketchup - Do you like music?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : Sure - Name a children's nursery rhyme.
ZacharyB : Three little pigs
Definition : Jack and Jill
Adam : Pop Goes the Weasel
Lilshu : Jack and Kill
Cameron : Humpty Dumpty - Have you ever played baseball?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : No
Cameron : Sure - Name a part of a car.
ZacharyB : Engine
Definition : Engine
Adam : Hood
Lilshu : Driveshaft
Cameron : Trunk - Do you have friends?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : No. - Name a famous actor or actress.
ZacharyB : Jim Carrey
Definition : George Clooney
Adam : Ben Stiller
Lilshu : Kenneth Branagh
Cameron : Clive Swift - Do you watch TV?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : Not really - Pick a famous phrase or quote.
ZacharyB : " Live each day to it's fullest."
Definition : "I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.' I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today."
Adam : "I'm the decider."
Lilshu : "Find out what's really out there. I never said to be like me, I say be like you and make a difference."
Cameron : "This is the lid of a coffin. One side is covered with dirt, and the other side is covered with scratches. From this, you can deduce that someone really wanted to get their hands on the dirt that was inside the coffin."
The Second Questions
- What is your name?
- How old were you when you realized you wanted to be a woman?
- As a girl, what do you wish your name was?
- How many Barbie dolls do you have?
- Do you wish you were a Barbie doll?
- What is your favorite food?
- How many times do you eat your favorite food each day?
- What is your favorite drink?
- Do you enjoy eating rabbits?
- How many rabbits do you eat in one hour?
- Have you ever eaten a cat?
- What did it taste like?
- Can you burp a song with your mouth?
- What is your favorite song to burp?
- Have you ever kissed a squirrel?
- What did the kiss taste like?
- Do you think you will ever get married?
- Who do you think you will marry to?
- Do you think you are crazy?
- Why?
- What is your name?
ZacharyB : Zach
Definition : Ali
Adam : Adam
Lilshu : William
Cameron : Cameron - How old were you when you realized you wanted to be a woman?
ZacharyB : 2
Definition : 2
Adam : 2
Lilshu : 2
Cameron : 1 - As a girl, what do you wish your name were?
ZacharyB : Joey Gladstone
Definition : Chris Turk
Adam : L
Lilshu : House
Cameron : Hyacinth Bucket - How many Barbie dolls do you have?
ZacharyB : 8,712
Definition : 1,002
Adam : 1,001
Lilshu : 10,000
Cameron : 1000.1 - Do you wish you were a Barbie doll?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : Yes - What is your favorite food?
ZacharyB : Frogs
Definition : Lions
Adam : Sloth
Lilshu : Horses
Cameron : Emus - How many times do you eat your favorite food each day?
ZacharyB : 74 times
Definition : 2 times
Adam : 13 times
Lilshu : e^pi times
Cameron : 6 times - What is your favorite drink?
ZacharyB : Blood
Definition : Petroleum
Adam : Vitamin Water
Lilshu : Oil
Cameron : Glass - Do you enjoy eating bunnies?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : Yes - How many bunnies do you eat in one hour?
ZacharyB : 65
Definition : 2
Adam : 13
Lilshu : e^pi
Cameron : 6 - Have you ever eaten a cat?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : No - What did it taste like?
ZacharyB : Pizza covered in mud
Definition : Spit on a chicken
Adam : Sushi topped with sperm
Lilshu : Sperm topped with sushi
Cameron : Dog food and ketchup - Can you burp a song with your mouth?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : Sure - What is your favorite song to burp?
ZacharyB : Three little pigs
Definition : Jack and Jill
Adam : Pop Goes the Weasel
Lilshu : Jack and Kill
Cameron : Humpty Dumpty - Have you ever kissed a squirrel?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : No
Cameron : Sure - What did the kiss taste like?
ZacharyB : An engine
Definition : An engine
Adam : A car hood
Lilshu : A driveshaft
Cameron : A trunk - Do you think you will ever get married?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : No. - Who do you think you will marry to?
ZacharyB : Jim Carrey
Definition : George Clooney
Adam : Ben Stiller
Lilshu : Kenneth Branagh
Cameron : Clive Swift - Do you think you are crazy?
ZacharyB : Yes
Definition : Yes
Adam : Yes
Lilshu : Yes
Cameron : Not really - Why?
ZacharyB : " Live each day to it's fullest."
Definition : "I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.' I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today."
Adam : "I'm the decider."
Lilshu : "Find out what's really out there. I never said to be like me, I say be like you and make a difference."
Cameron : "This is the lid of a coffin. One side is covered with dirt, and the other side is covered with scratches. From this, you can deduce that someone really wanted to get their hands on the dirt that was inside the coffin."
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