Riddles & Jokes
Welcome to the riddles and jokes of Issue 3! For this issue we have bent over backwards to make you double over with laughter and have a nice, long brain workout. Our jokes can range from funny one-liners to hilarious things to say to a cop. But in case your stomach starts to hurt from laughter, we can supply many wonderful riddles even going into the reaches of RuneScape itself. So have a chuckle or a great pondering section and enjoy the riddles and jokes of Issue 3.
-Gillis
Monster, or Made Up? - By: Goliath Gob
It's time to play...
Monster, or Made-Up?
Just have a look at the names below and determine if each are a real RuneScape monster or if the monster is made up.
Bronze Dragon
TzTok-Jad
Yelp
Rune Dragon
Giant Imp
Ogre Merchant
Arrg
Mogre
Dit-is vals
Stunod
Answers: (Highlight the area beside the names below to see the answer.)
Bronze Dragon - Actually, yes, it's a monster.
TzTok-Jad - Looks like a random bunch of letters, but actually the strongest monster in the game!
Yelp - Nope, made up, my friend.
Rune Dragon - Bronze dragon? Yes. But, there is no such thing as a rune dragon.
Giant Imp - Nope. Would giant imps be as tall as us?
Ogre Merchant - Yeah, it's real. "Funnily enough, doesn't actually buy or sell ogres."
Arrg - Yelp was made up, but this isn't. I feel sorry for him, getting a name like that.
Mogre - Mogre the ogre is real all right.
Dit-is vals - Actually, this means "This is false" in Dutch!
Stunod - Stunod is donuts backwards.
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Some Jokes - Richman99
Q: What do you take before every meal?
A: A "seat"!!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!
Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
Question:
There are 5 cats on a couch.
One jumped off.
How many were left?
Answer:
NONE, they were all copy cats!
Q: What is a baby's motto
A: If at first you don't succeed cry cry again!
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Cargo!
Cargo who?
CarGo Beep Beep!
Q: What must you do before you get board a bus ?
A: Get on it!
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch
Q: What did one fish say to the other?
A: If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools.
Q: What is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: The word smiles because there is a mile between each s.
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with an elephant?
A: A very nervous postman.
Q: What color is a burp?
A: Burple!!
There were three guys and a dragon . The dragon said, "I am going to eat you.
The first guy said, "No, let's make a deal."
The dragon said ,"O.K. what kind of deal?"
The second guy said, "If we each tell you something that we think you can't do, and you can do all of it, you may eat us." The dragon agreed to the deal.
So the first guy said, "Go to the barn, eat 16 rooms of hay,". The dragon did it.
The second guy said, "Drink half of the ocean water." The dragon succeeded in doing this, also.
The third guy burped, and said, "Catch it and paint it green."
The three guys lived happily ever after!
Jokes and Riddles - Jamie6441
Conversations:
#1
Joe: Tell me, Sam, how long have you been working here?
Sam: Ever Since they threatened to fire me!
#2
Father: Where's your test score, son?
Son: Underwater, Dad.
Father: What do you mean underwater?
Son: You Know, Below C level.
#3
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyers's rates.
Lawyer: $50 for three questions
Man: Don't you think thats a bit steep?
Lawyer: Yes and what was your thrid question?
#4
Teacher: Jimmy to learn spanish you must repear the word over and over
Jimmy: Why is that?
Teacher: This is so you develope a photographic memory.
Jimmy: Oh! I have a photograpic memory just no film.
Riddles:
Highlight the text beside "Answer:" to see the answer to each riddle.
Q.What Stays in bed most of the day and sometimes goes to the bank?
A. A stream
Q. If two is a couple and three is a crowd, what is four and five?
A. Nine
Q. Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
A All of them
Q. What is something no one would be seen with if there were more of them, but which everyone wants when no one else has any.
A. An Antique
Jokes:
Q. Why do florescent lights always hum?
A.Because they don't know the words.
Q. Why do people in Ireland take their money to the bank?
A. Because its always Dublin.
Q.Who are the longest speakers?
A. Prisoners, they can spend a lifetime on a single sentence.
Jokes - Beret
Top 12 Things Not to Say to a Cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
The Rescue
Three boys were walking along a lake when they heard someone struggling in the water. At a closer look, they found President Bush, who had slipped away from his secret service, going down for his last breath.
The boys looked at each other and decided that the right thing to do was to jump in and save him. They jumped in and brought him to shore. When he regained his composure, he thanked the boys and offered them anything they wanted.
The first boy thought about what it was that he would ask of the president and finally decided that he would like a presidential appointment to West Point. The second boy agreed that a presidential appointment would be nice but he wanted to go to Annapolis. The third boy thought and thought and thought, and finally he arrived at his decision. "Mr. President, I would like a burial with honors at Arlington National Cemetery" The president was taken aback and asked the boy why he would ask for such an unusual reward at his young age.
The boy replied "When my father finds out I saved your life, he is going to kill me!"
Believe it or not...
* The venom in a Daddy Longlegs spider is more poisonous than a Black Widow's or a Brown Recluse, but they cannot bite humans because their jaws won't open wide enough.
* On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
* The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
* If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.
* Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
* Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
* The pop you get when you crack your knuckles is actually a bubble of gas bursting.
* 101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents who are present and don't die throughout the movie.
* The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
* There's no Betty Rubble in Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.
* It's impossible to get water out of a rimless tire.
* In Minnesota it is illegal to cross state lines with a duck on your head.
* In Indiana it is illegal to ride public transportation for at least 30 minutes after eating garlic.
* A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
* Polar bears are left-handed.
* A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
* The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
* A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.
* Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
* Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
* More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
* Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
* Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump".
* Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
* The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.
* The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
* The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
* TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
* If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
* A snail can sleep for 3 years.
* American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
* China has more English speakers than the United States.
* The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
* Vatican City is the smallest country in the world, with a population of 1,000 and a size 108.7 acres.
* The longest town name in the world has 167 letters.
* You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.
* "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
* The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.
* No president of the United States was an only child.
* The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
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